Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style IV
by CandyGirl999
Summary: In this fic, Naruto introduce three new Halloween segments, not during a party, but through an art gallery. Parody of the fourth Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.
1. The Devil and Kakashi Hatake

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style IV**

**A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror**

**Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto**

**The Simpsons belong to Matt Groaning

* * *

**

Naruto, who had left off his ninja attire and was sporting a fancy gray suit and a red tie, wandered through a dark art gallery, with many scary paintings of everyone from Konoha behind him. He began to monologue.

"Paintings: lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell, so scary and horrible and gruesome that--"

Before he could continue, Iruka walked right up to him.

"Naruto! You should warn the readers that this fanfic is very frightening. And maybe they'd rather listen to that old 'War of the Worlds' broadcast on NPR, hmm?" said Iruka who was accompanied by Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon. Konahamaru was sucking on a lollypop and currently being carried by Iruka.

"Iruka-sensei what are you doing here?! And why are you carrying Konohamaru?" asked Naruto.

"I was taking the kids on a field trip here, but Konohamaru started acting up and touching things so as punishment I'm carrying him around." replied Iruka.

"And it's the worst punishment yet." groaned said boy who took out his lollypop to speak but put it back in his mouth when he finished.

"Any way would you watch them for a minute I'm gonna go check out that gift shop." said Iruka as he hands Naruto Konohamaru and walks off.

Naruto sighs and focuses his attention back on us viewers. The three children stare attentively at him.

"The subject of our first painting tonight is the most foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth. Of course I refer to--"

Before he could say anything Kohohamaru franticly shoves his lollypop into his mouth.

"Boss, don't scare us!" he yelped. Moegi and Udon were covering their ears by this time.

"Mm-mm-mmm!" muffled Naruto before he spat out the sugary treat.

"The devil..." he said. The three children gasped.

_(Segment starts)_

_Kakashi Hatake was at a fashion show along with other males, who had their eyes on the catwalk. The announcer begins to speak._

_"The next in our fall catalogue, we love this, it is a vision in orange cardboard."_

_"The curtains draw back and a model's legs are exposed, when the males look up they see a copy of_ _Make Out Paradise__ on top of the pair of legs._

_"Ooh, pure genius!" cried Kakashi in excitement. Before he could admire the book model any further a horrible buzzing sound occurred._

_BUZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZZ!_

_--_

Kakashi shoots out of his bed sweating, it had all been a dream; the buzzing sound was his alarm clock. He turns it off and gets out of bed.

"And now to make the leap from dreams to reality!" he stated as he got dressed and headed for the bookstore. Today was the day when the new _Make Out Paradise _volume came out and Kakashi was hankering to get it.

As soon as he reached the bookstore he discovered to his horror that the shelf that usually held the _Make Out Paradise _volumes were empty.

"WHAT!" cried Kakashi.

"Sorry Kakashi, we bought the last of the volumes." said Izumo as he and Kotetsu walked away with a bag in their hands.

Kakashi returns home with his head down is disappointment. He heads towards his bedroom and opens the door.

"Alright, stay calm. Remember your training." he said to himself as he walked towards his bookshelf and pulled out a large book that says _Shinobi Codes of Conduct. _He opened it up and inside was a big space with a piece of paper in it. Kakashi took the paper out and read it.

"'Dear Kakshi, I owe you one emergencey _Make Out Paradise _volume. Signed, Ebisu.' Bastard! He's always one step ahead!" cried Kakashi while crumbling up the paper. "Oh...I'd sell my soul for the new issue."

Suddenly, Guy appears behind Kakashi in a puff of smoke, dressed like the devil.

"Well, that can be arranged my eternal rival." said Guy. Kakashi turned around in astonishment.

"Guy! You're the devil!?" he asks shocked.

"Ho ho, it's always the one you least suspect. Now, many people offer to sell their souls without reflecting upon the grave ramifications--"

"Do you have the new volume or not?" asks the impatient scarecrow.

"Coming up! Just sign here. Careful, hot pen!" said Guy while materializing a contract and pen from fire.

After Kakashi signed the contract a creature appeared out of fire, carrying the new copy of _Make Out Paradise_ book. Kakashi took the book eagerly and began reading it.

"Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--"

"Hey wait," interrupted Kakashi, who was already on the last page. "If I don't finish this last page, you don't get my soul, do you?"

"Uh, technically no, but--"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!! I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the devil!" taunted the scarecrow. Filled with rage, Guy turns into a huge scary monster.

**"YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, KAKASHI HATAKE!" **He disappears back into the ground. Kakashi put the book in his pouch.

"Not likely, heh heh." he taunted to himself.

--

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura found out about the whole ordeal and decided to stay over as Kakashi's house to make sure that he doesn't try to read the last page. Later that night, Kakashi woke up from a strange dream.

"Boy that was weird...I'd better read something to take my mind off things." Kakashi said groggily while reaching over to grab his new book, despite several warning signs around it.

"Alright, let's see here..." he mumbled while opening the forbidden book. He read the last page.

"Whoa! What an ending!" he gasped.

**"WHAT AN ENDING IT WILL BE!" **came Guy's voice as he appears in front of Kakashi.

"Aah!" gasped the masked ninja.

A hole of fire appears in the bedroom, dragging Kakashi towards it. Naruto entered the room, his nightcap drawn into the hole.

"Sensei, did you read that last page?" he asked.

"No." replied Kakashi weakly.

Kakashi is drawn into the hole, but pumps chakra into his hand and grabs onto the edge of the floor to keep him from falling.

"Oh, your chakra won't save you this time!" taunted Guy. At that moment Sasuke and Sakura entered the room.

"Hey Sasuke." Guy greeted while waving at said boy.

"Hey." replied Sasuke while waving back.

"Don't forget you still owe me for getting rid of you're brother." said Guy.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." replied the raven lazily.

"Wait! Doesn't my sensei have the right to a fair trial?" asked Sakura franticly.

"Oh, you Konoha ninjas with your 'due process' and 'fair trials.' This is always so much easier in Suna." complained Guy but then recomposed himself. "Very well, we'll have the trial tomorrow at the stroke of midnight. Until then," Guy focuses his attention on Kakashi. "You're going to spend the day in Hell!"

His pitchfork turns into a plunger and pushes Kakashi into the hole, and follows him. Kakashi falls through a huge cavern, screaming all the way into Hell.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

When he finally stops he lands on a moving conveyor belt.

"Ah, that wasn't so bad." said the masked ninja in relief. But boy was he wrong.

As he reached the end of the conveyor belt, a demon chops him into pieces. His mouth and shoes are separated and put into a bin labeled 'Hot Dog Meat.' Next, Kakashi is sent to a room (his body completely in tacked) labeled 'Ironic Punishments Division.' There, another demon straps Kakashi into a chair. The room was full of _Make Out Paradise_ books.

"So, you like _Make Out Paradise_, eh?" asked the demon.

"Uh-huh." replied Kakashi nervously.

"Well, read all the volumes in the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed the demon as a machine begins putting volumes of the dirty book up to Kakashi's face as the masked ninja began reading and reading, and reading. Later, Kakahsi had read most of the books, and his eyes were bleeding.

"More." he responded.

"I don't understand it. Madara Uchiha went mad in fifteen minutes!" cried the demon in disbelief.

--

Back in Kakashi's house, the clock in the living room struck midnight. Guy appears, as does Kakashi's body appears in a cage made of fire. His head appears shortly afterward, and Kakashi screws it back onto his neck.

"Kakashi-sensei! Are you alright?" asked Sakura and Naruto in concern.

"No." replied Kakashi simply. At that moment a man dressed in a dark blue suit and short brown hair appeared next to the two genin.

"Kakashi Hatake, I'm Gohda Naritobi you're squad hired me to represent you. Don't you worry, I watched Family Court in a sake bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it."

"This is the best you could come up with?" Kakashi hissed to his students.

"We were low on money," replied Naruto.

A fiery pentagram appears on the floor. The Grim Reaper appears as the judge.

"Hear ye, hear ye. The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session." he called while banging his gavel on the desk.

"Very well, but first some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour," stated Gohda.

"Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me." replied Guy.

"Agreed." replied Gohda, but then his eyes widen in realization. "No, wait--"

"Silence!" cried Guy. "I give you the Jury of the Damned!" the people whose names were said appeared.

"Zabuza Momochi, Gato, The Demon Brothers, The Sound Genin, The Fourth Kazekage, and Haku!"

"Haku?! You're in Hell?" asked Naruto in disbelief.

"Oh no, I'm doing community service down here." replied Haku gently. "By the way Naruto, how are you?"

"I'm doing great! Belive it! Last month our village was under attack by the Sound village and my friends were about to be killed by this one kid named Gaara, who was wickedly strong by the way, and I beat him!" said Naruto excitedly with a large smile.

"That's great Naruto! I told you you'd get stronger if you were protecting you're precious people--"

"Haku." said Zabuza impatiently while motioning for his tool to come back to the group.

"I've got to go, bye Naruto," said Haku while walking towards Zabuza and the others as the proceeding begins. Guy begins his opening statement while holding up the contract Kakashi signed.

"I hold here a contract between myself and one Kakashi Hatake pledging me his soul for the new copy of Make Out Paradise--which I delivered! And it was a very youthful book at that! I simply ask for what is mine!"

The juries begin chattering.

"That was a right-pretty speech, sir," said Gohda. "But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as 'an agreement under the law which is unbreakable.' _Which is unbreakable!_"

The jury stares at him as if something was coming out of his ears.

"Excuse me, I must use the restroom." said Gohda as he walks out of the living room.

An hour passes and Gohda still hasn't come out. Worried, Sakura goes to check up on him.

"Uh, Mr. Naritobi?" she asked while knocking at the door. She opens it and sees that he is gone and that the window is open.

Back in the living room the Grim Reaper starts the sentencing.

"Kakashi Hatake, I have no choice but to sentence you to an eternity of--" but before he could finish Sakura came running in holding a photograph.

"Wait! Before you send him to Hell, there's something you should see." she said showing them the photograph. In the picture Naruto was standing to the right, apparently glaring at Sasuke who was on the left. At the bottom stood Sakura who had her hands up to her mouth as if suppressing a giggle. And at the top stood Kakashi who had his hands on top of the boys' heads. Despite the fact that the two stubborn boys weren't' smiling it was a happy looking photo.

"This is a picture of all of us when we first became Team7." she said.

"What does this have to do with anything?" asked Zaku annoyed while taking a look at the photo.

"Read the back! Read the back!" hurried the pink haired ninja. Kin snatches the photo away from Zaku and began reading what appeared to be a written message.

"Dear Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura: you three have given me the best times of my life since I was in my own ninja squad. I have lost many precious people in my life and all I can offer you three is my life, my friendship and my...soul, which I pledge to you three forever."

"The jury debates amongst themselves until they reached a decision.

"We've heard enough. Your Honor, we find that Kakashi Hatake's soul is legally the property of Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno and not of the devil." stated Haku.

"Oh..." moaned Guy in defeat.

"Yay!" cheered Team 7.

"Woohoo!" cheered Kakashi as he jumped for joy but accidentally burned himself on the cage.

"Ow!"

The judge and the jury disappear in a puff of smoke (Haku and Naruto waved a final goodbye to each other). Guy walked up to Kakashi, he did not look pleased.

"Alright, my rival, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten book be forever on your head!" he points his finger at Kakashi as fire shoots out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

--

The next day at breakfast, Kakashi starts reading his head (which was now a large _Make Out Paradise_ book).

"Kakashi, stop reading yourself." said Sasuke in annoyance.

"Oh, but I'm so enticing!" Kakashi looks at his watch. "Oh, well, time to go to that mission."

"Sensei, I wouldn't go outside if I were you," said Naruto.

Outside, a whole group of perverts were waiting outside.

"Don't worry boys, he's gotta come out of there sometime." said Ebisu.

_(Segment ends)_


	2. Terror at 5 Feet

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style IV**

**A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror**

**Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto**

**The Simpsons belong to Matt Groaning

* * *

**

Back in the gallery, Naruto begins to narrate the second spooky story. He was standing next to a painting of a school bus.

"The next exhibit in our ghoulish gallery is entitled..." Naruto bends down to look at the title. "'The School Bus'? Oh, oh, they must mean 'The Ghoul Bus.'" Sakura then walks up next to the blond.

"Nope, says right there: 'School Bus.'" She said while pointing at the title.

"Can't you read dobe?" asked Sasuke who also came up behind Naruto.

"Well, there's nothing scarier than having to go to school! Ha ha!" Sasuke and Sakura rolled their eyes as they walked off. Naruto groans as he too walks off.

_(Segment starts)_

_It was a pleasant day in Konohagakure, and our very own Rock Lee and Neji Hyuga were riding the bus home from school._

_"Hey Neji, look. Ninja trading cards, session two." said Lee while holding up the cards, the Huyga genius took them and read through them._

_"They seem okay. Did you get the gum?" asked Neji. The green clad ninja took a large piece of gum out from the pack and took a bite out of it._

_CRACK!_

_"Ow! I cut my cheek!" cried Lee while he nursed the right side of his face._

_Suddenly, one of the back wheels comes off the bus and it loses control. It steers right into the path of an on coming lorry. Nothing came out of the Hyuga prodigy's mouth but a loud scream._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"_

_--_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Neji as he shot out of bed panting.

"It was only a dream," he confirmed himself. He ran his hands over his blankets which were surprisingly damp.

"I hope this is sweat."

After getting ready, Neji walked down stairs into the kitchen for breakfast. Hinata was already at the table, eating a piece of toast.

"Neji, what's wrong?" she asked in concern.

"I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death," replied the pale eyed boy as if he were in a trance.

"And?" asked the Hyuga heiress further.

"Hinata, your cousin's obviously had a nightmare," said Hiashi as he put another stack of toast on the table. He then turned his attention to his nephew.

"Don't worry, Neji, the good thing about nightmares is that they aren't real."

Suddenly, a loud horn sounds.

HHOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK!!

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Neji as he ducked to the floor. Hanabi came running into the kitchen with an air horn.

"Father, look at all this great stuff I found at school yesterday. It was just sitting in a box labeled 'Lost and Found'!" she cried excitedly while honking the horn again.

HHOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Neji again as he fell backwards off his chair.

PLOP!

"OW!"

--

Five minutes later, the two Hyugas got on the bus for school. As they got on Neji noticed a certain chunin.

"Mizuki-sensei? What are you doing here!" he asked.

"Hello Neji. I lost my keys this morning so I'm taking the bus." replied the white haired chunin.

When Hinata got on the bus she looked towards everyone and began to speak.

"Excuse me. Neji's a little upset this morning, so could everyone please be extra-nice to him?" she asked while putting her hand on Neji shoulder, indicating whom she's talking about. This did nothing but get the kids laughing at him.

"AAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

"Hey, where's your diaper, baby?" asked Kankuro mockingly as he reached over and pulled down Neji's pants, exposing his underwear. Everyone laughed harder.

**"AAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"**

"Thank goodness he's drawn attention away from my forehead," said Sakura in relief.

Cheeks as read as a rose, Neji finds a seat next to a sleeping Rock Lee.

_'I'm gonna get Hinata for this.' _thought Neji menacingly. He sighs to himself and looks out the window, but when he dose he sees something very terrifying.

It was a hideous green gremlin on the side of the bus! With its long claws it began making a deep scratch in the side of the bus.

"Lee, Lee, wake up, quick!" cried Neji while shaking the taijutsu expert awake. When he awoke Neji pointed outside. "Look out the window."

"Why of course!" retorts Lee as he leaned over to stare out the window. "What am I looking at?" he asks confused.

"There's something on the bus!" replied the Hyuga franticly.

"I am sorry but I do not see anything," responded Lee apologetically.

Neji got up and rushed to the front of the bus.

"Genma-sensei, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!" cried Neji in desperation. Genma looks out the window and sees an old man driving an AMC Gremlin.

"Eh, no problemo Neji, I'll get rid of him." he said. He rammed into the side of the old man's car, and he rolls off the road.

"Oh no, I just made my last payment." cried the old man. His car stops just before hitting a tree. It then explodes.

Back on the bus, Neji looked out the window again, and the gremlin was still there as it started pulling wires out from inside the bus.

"Aah! Everybody, there's a monster on the side of he bus!" cried Neji.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed the children as they ran over to look, but to their disappointment see nothing.

"Hey, there's no monster," commented Kankuro.

"You're deceptive," Ino said to Neji.

"I don't see anything," commented Genma.

"Hey! Who is driving the bus?" asked Lee, who was next to Genma.

"Ooh, una momento, por favor (1)." replied Genma as he goes back to his seat.

--

As the bus continued to roll along, Jorell and Cronus watch from their space ship.

"Foolish Earthlings! Frightened of a creature that does not exist!" said Jorell.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" they stop laughing to notice a gremlin on their ship.

--

Back on the bus, Mizuki comes to see Neji.

"Now I've gotten word that a child is using his imagination, and I've come to put a stop to it." he said.

"No, no it's true, there's a monster on the bus!" insisted Neji.

"The only monster on this bus is a lack of proper respect for the rules." replied Mizuki as he pulled down the window shade so Neji won't see through it and walks away.

Neji tried to sit patiently but was still nervous.

'_I know I'm not going crazy, but…' _Eventually, he lifts the blind up again, to see Hayate Gekko staring back at him

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Neji.

The bus stops as Hayate gets on.

"Sorry, my car broke down." said Hayate to Genma as he got on and took a seat.

By now Neji was becoming very frightened.

"You believe me, don't you?" he asked Lee as he grabs a hold of the green clad ninja's spandex from the front. "You're my friend who believes me: sweet, trustworthy Lee."

"Actually, Neji, you are starting to creep me out. Uh, I think I am going to go sit...uh, with Choji! he said while pointing to said ninja as he gets up and goes to sit next to him.

"Hi Lee, want some chip?" asked Choji while handing Lee the bag.

"Yes, thank you," replied Lee.

Neji looked out of the window again and sees the gremlin taking off the wheel. By now Neji was beside himself with fear.

"THE GREMLIN'S TAKING OFF THE WHEEL! STOP THE BUS OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Mizuki grabbed the frantic Hyuga and pined him down, but he kept screaming.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!! IT'S OUR DESTINY TO DIE!!"

"I got him," said Hayate as he tied Neji's hands together with rope.

A few moments later, and Choji was sitting next to Neji.

"Would you like another lick of my lollypop?" asked Choji while putting the sugary treat up to Neji's face.

"Uh, sure..." replied Neji while taking a lick and shuddering. He didn't really like sweets. "Well, now that we're friends, Choji, how about loosening these straps, huh?"

"Okay." replied the chubby ninja as he untied Neji and walked back to his seat.

Neji looked out the window again to see the gremlin is still removing nuts from the wheel. Neji looked below his seat and saw a box of flares, when he reached down to get them he sees they have already been removed. Neji then looks over, and sees that Kankuro has already lit them, and was putting them into Shikamaru's pants ("This outta teach you to stay away from my sister").

Neji reaches over and takes one of the flares out of Shikamaru's pants, then opens the window; however, he is pulled through by a gust of wind. Mizuki and Hayate grab his legs as Neji waves the flare around at the gremlin. Just then Hiashi drives past with Hanabi sticking her head out the window.

"Hey Neji!" she calls while honking the horn from this morning.

Mizuki and Hayate try to pull Neji back inside the bus.

"Pull, Hayate, pull!" cried Mizuki

"I'm pulling as hard as I can!" cried Hayate.

Just as they pull Neji inside, he drops the flare onto the gremlin, which catches fire and falls off the back of the bus, bouncing along. It hits Guy's windscreen, and then screeches to a halt.

"Oh dear Lord! It's some sort of hideous monster," cried Guy as he stepped out of his car and walks towards the gremlin. He wraps it up in his jonin vest, but the creature tries to claw at him.

"Aw, isn't that cute, he's trying to claw my eyes out!" he said while holding the thing tighter.

--

The bus arrives at the Ninja Academy, where it falls apart.

"Oh my gosh!" cried Mizuki while looking at the damaged bus. Neji was being pulled away on a stretcher wearing a straight jacket.

"Look at the bus! I was right, I tell you, I was right!" he gloated with a crazed smile.

"Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive, young man! Perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a madhouse will teach you some manner. I expected this from that damn Uzumaki boy, but not from you!"

"Hey!" cried Naruto in outrage.

"Ha ha!" laughed Kankuro at Neji

--

As the ambulance drove to the mental hospital, the disturbed Hyuga rests his head on his pillow in the back of the car.

"Ah. At least I can get some rest," he said to himself in relief.

However, Neji's state of nirvana was interrupted by a knock on the window.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Neji lifts his head up only to discover to his horror, the gremlin at the back window of the ambulance. The creatcher reaches down and pulls out Guy's severed head.

"Life treaten' you good Neji?" the head asks cryptically.

Neji screamed one last time.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"**

_(Segment ends)

* * *

_

(1) Translation: One moment please.

**A/N: **Yes everyone, I put Neji in this segment solely to bash him. I can't help it, I hate him!


	3. Sasuke Uchiha's Dracula

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style IV**

**A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror**

**Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto**

**The Simpsons belong to Matt Groaning**

**

* * *

**

Back in the gallery Naruto introduces the final painting.

"We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad." the blond ninja points to a picture of dogs playing poker, which Kakashi was looking at it with wide eyes. Those dogs looked so familer; then it hit him.

"Th...Those are my dogs...and they're playing poker! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Kakashi screamed like a mad man as he ran off.

"We had a story to go with this painting,but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!" said Naruto with a large smile as he walked off.

_(Segment starts)_

For the past few nights in the village of Konohagakure there had been some strange attacks going on, which left the ANBU Black Ops baffled.

"You haven't found any leads yet?" asked the Hokage.

"No sir, the only clues we found is that all the victims were attacked at night, two teeth marks on their throats." replied an ANBU ninja.

"The infliction doesn't seem to be the work of any type of jutsu or weapon, but the really baffleing part is that it seems all the victims have had their blood drained out." said a female ANBU officer.

"This is serious, we need to set a curfew throughout the whole village until we figure this case out." replied the Third.

--

The next day the issue was out to the whole village that a cerfew was in order, and every newspaper artical talked about the attacks that have been happening.

In a rather familer cafe, Team 7 was having breakfast before they started training. Sasuke was reading the artical about the attacks which read: **Mysterious Assalent Ninja Plages Village.** The artical contained pictures of the victims, the bite marks clearly being shown. Sakura looked at the cover and her eyes widened in fear.

"They're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead: Nosferatu, Das Wampyr!" she cried, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi all stare at her blankly.

"A vampire!" cired the pink.

"Sakura," chuckled Naruto. "Vampires are make-believe, just like Elves, Gremlins and Eskimos."

"Quit, they're saying something on t.v." said Kakashi as he raised the volume, the four leaf ninjas listened.

_"In a completely unrelated story, millionar Senbei Momoji has just closed a deal to buy the Konohagakure blood bank." _said the anchor man. The camera zooms in on Momoji for an interview. He was a young and handsome man, fair skined with long black hair and violet eyes

_"Oh, I'm very excited about this deal." _said Momoji, but before he could say anything else he noticed blood dripping from his mouth. As quick as a flash he licks it up.

_"Mmm...precious blood." he moaned._

"Did anybody but me think that was weird?" asked Sakura.

"You're not alone." replied the three males.

--

The next day, Team 7 was being escorted to Senbei Momoji's mansion to seal the deal on the bloodbank offer.

"So any specific reason why our team was picked to seal this deal?" asked Naruto as the team made their way up to the mansion.

"I agree, there's something fishy about this whole set-up." replied Sakura.

"Sakura, stop being so suspicious. Now did everyone wash thei necks like Mr. Momoji asked?" asked Kakashi.

"Yes..." moaned the pink kunoichi.

"Sure did!" replied Naruto while pulling out a cloth from his pocket.

"Whatever." said the Uchiha lazily.

The team arrives at the mansion. Kakashi rings the doorbell as Momoji's voice i heard on the speaker.

_"Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever growling army of the undead." _he says the last part quitly, unaware that the others heard him.

_"Sir, you have to let go of the button." _said a servent, who sounded like a young boy no older then 19.

_"Oh, son of a bi--"_

Momoji was cut off as the doors opened. Team 7 walks in, their suspesion growing stronger. As they entered the mansion, Momoji suddenly appeared, with whom appeared to be the servent. He was in fact no older then 19, and wore a long red velvet robe and turben on his head, covering his hair.

"Well if it isn't the oh-so-well known Team 7, lead by Kakashi Hatake, the Copy Cat Ninja am I correct?"

"Yes, it is nice to meet you Mr. Momoji." replied Kakashi.

Momoji walks off and motions for the team to follow him.

"Did you guys notice anything strange?" asked Sakura when she was sure Momoji was out of ear shot.

"Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer." replied Naruto.

"I heard that!" yelled Momoji from a distance.

"It was Sasuke!" replied Naruto pointing at said Uchiha.

"Hermmmm..." groaned Sasuke.

--

In the dining room the team was surived what looked to be punch, but boy were they wrong.

"Ooh, punch!" said Naruto, looking at the red liquid in his glass. Sakura smells her glass and recoils with disgust.

"Ew, Naruto, this is blood!"

"Correction: _free _blood!" said Naruto as he took a big gulp of it.

_'Some things going on here and I'm gonna find out!' _Sakura though to herself as she came up with an idea. Trying to make it look like an accident, Sakura spills her blood on her dress.

"Whoop! Sasuke and I have to wash up." she said with a nervous smile.

"But you didn't get any on--" before Sasuke can finish Sakura smeared his face with a handful of blood.

"EW!!" he cried as the pink haired girl grabbed him roughly by the collor and draged him off.

--

The two genin walk down a long dark corridor in hopes of finding any clues.

"Momoji isn't a vampire. And even if he was we're not going to stubble on his secret hiding place." said Sasuke in annoyence as he leaned on a lamp attached to the wall, which causes a wall to move. It revealed a laundry room.

"You're probably right, let's just go back to--" Sakura gasps as she turns around to see a neon sign reading 'Secret vampire room, no garlic.' They both went down the long steps into the dungeon like room. As they reach the bottom they saw several coffins lying about.

"Satisfied?" asked the pink smugly.

"Big deal! It's no different from the basement in the retirement home back in Konoha." replied the raven stubbornly.

"Look!" cried Sakura while pointing to a book in the middle of the room. The book was intitled 'Yes, I Am A Vampire' by Senben Momoji.

"Oh My God!" gasped Sakura as she began to read the book.

From behind the two genin, vampires began rising from their coffins. Sakura was too distracted by the book, but Sasuke saw them and boy was he terrified.

"Nub, Nub! Ba-ba-ba!" cried Sasuke as he pulled on Sakura's arm.

"Please, Sasuke, I'll hear your Curly inpression later." said Sakura while strugging the raven off as she continued to read. The vampires continued to advance on them.

"Ungh, Ungh!" whimpered Sasuke while pulling on Sakura's arm harder and pointed at the advancing vampires.

"Yeah, I'll hear your Shemp too." said Sakura, desperate to continue reading. But before she could finish a vampire's claw rips the page infront of her.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed the children as they ran up the stairs. As Sasuke ran he passed a switch reading 'If you want the power to kill you're brother, pull this switch.'

Sasuke's mouth absolutely watered at the sign.

"At last." he whispered excitedly as he pulls down the switch. The moment he does the steps become flat and the stupid raven slid down them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Sasuke as he realized he was headed stright for the vampires. The instent he landed the vampires grabbed ahold of his limbs and held him in place. A bat flies in front of Sasuke and morphs into Senben Momoji.

"Hello...Sasuke Uchiha." said Momoji, but his voice was different, it sounded deep and evil.

"Allow me to introduce myself properly." he said while reaching for his face and pulling it off to reveal paper white skin and golden eyes.

"O-O-Orochimaru!" gasped Sasuke in horror.

"Of course it's me! Do you honestly think Senben Momoji would buy a blood bank! He's hemophobic you know." with that said Orochimaru's fangs extend and he dove for Sasuke.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed he raven for the last time.

--

Meanwhile,Saskura ran back to the dining room to tell Kakashi and Naruto.

"Naruto, Kakashi-sensei! Senben Momoji is a vampire and he has Sasuke!" she cried franticlly.

"Why, Sasuke's right here." said Momoji from the doorway with blood on his fangs, he had his hands on Sasuke's shoulders.

"Hello...Naruto. Hello...Sakura. Hello...Kakashi-sensei. I missed you during my eventful absence." said the raven in a trace-like state.

"Sakura, you and your stories," said Naruto "Sasuke is a vampire. Eating too much ramen gives you diarrhea. Now lets go back to..." but before the blond could finish he grabbed a hold of his stomach.

"I gotta go to the bathroom!" he cried while running off.

--

By the time the team got home it was already night time, so they all went their seperate ways to get to their houses. As Sakura walked to her house she could have sworn she felt that someone was following her. Her fears were confirmed by the shadows casted above her. The frightened girl turned around to see Sasuke, Lee, Shikamaru, Choji, and Hinata floting above her, all vampires.

"Aah!" yelped the girl as she stumbled back.

"Come join us Sakura, it' so cool, you get to stay up all night drinking blood, and Orochimaru gives you power beyond you're wildest dreams!" said Sasuke with a deranged smile as he reached behind him and pulled out the severed head of Itachi Uchiha.

"Orochimaru?!" gasped Sakura and then it came to her.

_'The Imortallity jutsu, of course!'_

"And you won't even need to use jutsu anymore!" seconed Lee.

"No, no!" cried Sakura as she turned and ran, but before she could get withen five steps Sasuke materialized in front of her with his arms folded over his chest.

"Sakura, it's not like you have a choice here!" chuckled Sasuke as he pounce on the deffencless girl, pining her arms and legs down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sakura as Sasuke's fangs extended and made a dive for her neck.

"Sasuke!" screamed Kakashi, as he saw what was happening on his way home. "How many times do I have to tell you not to bite Sakura?!"

Kakashi took a closer look at Sasuke and his eyes widen.

"Wait a minute, you are a vampire!" he gasped while running over and pulling Sakura from Sasuke's reach. Just then Naruto came running in with a stake and hammer.

"Quick, we have to kill the bastard!" he cried.

"How did _you _know he was a vampire?" asked Sakura. Naruto's eyes widened.

"He's a vampire? Aah!" yelped the blond as he droped his instruments and ran behind Kakashi. Sasuke turned into a bat right before their eyes and took flight along with he others.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH!!" laughed the raven as he disapeared into the night.

"Dammit! I've never faced something like this before. I'm not sure what to do." groaned Kakashi.

The only way to get Sasuke and the others back is to kill the head vampire. Orochimaru!" declared Sakura as she raised up the stake that Naruto had into the air.

"Kill Orochimaru?! asked Naruto. "Do I dare live out the the Konoha dream?"

--

At Orochimarus' castle. Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura made their way down the basement.

"This is dangerous, we should have called for backup." said Kakashi.

As they continued to make their way down, Naruto saw a switch that said 'Free Ramen'.

"Oooh!" said Naruto in delight as he reached for the switch.

"No Naruto." said Sakura sternly.

"Oh, I guess killing will be fun enough." groaned Naruto.

The team made their way down the stairs and saw a coffin in the center of the room. Sakura and Kakashi removed the lid, exposing a sleeping Orochimaru.

"You must drive this stake right through his heart." said Sakura as she handed Naruto the stake and hammer. Naruto possisions the stake on Orochimaru and began hammering.

"Take that, vile fiend!" he yells dramatically as he drove the stake inward.

"Uh, Naruto, that's his crotch." said Kakashi matter of factly.

"Oh sorry." chuckled Naruto. He took the stake out and drove it into his heart, the very instend he did Orochimaru woke up, screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

After his shreck he dies and turns to goo.

"Whew!" sighed Naruto in realif.

"We did it! Now all we have to do is wait for Sasuke to come back." said Sakura as the three made their way out of the basment and back home.

--

They next day the team met at the cafe for breakfast, and Sasuke seemed to be back to normal.

"It's so nice having everything back to normal." said Sakura in realif while eating her cereal. Just then the owner of the cafe made his way into the room...flying!

"I'm a vampire and I've come to suck your blood!" he yelled dramatically but then colided with the wall and collapsed. "This cape is giving me a rash." he said miserablely.

"Mr. Takanaka is a vampire?" asked Sakura in disbelife.

"We're all vampires!" declaired Sasuke as he Naruto and Kakashi floating in mid-air, fangs exposed (Kakashi lifts down his mask to show his fangs).

"But no, we killed Orochimaru!" gasped Sakura as she stepped back.

"You have to kill the head vampire!" declared Kakashi.

"You're the head vampire?" asked Sakura in fear. This couldn't be happening!

"No, I'm the head vampire!" screeched Naruto.

"Naruto?" whimpered Sakura.

"What you think I'm so immature that I can't run a vampire clan?" asked Naruto in offence.

The team all fly at Sakura, fangs extended, but they stop and turn to look...at us?

"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year every body! From all of us and CandyGirl999!"

THE END

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but I think the last line of the story should seal the apology.**


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